Dimple Vijaykumar writes for the Soton Tab, for students from Southampton and Solent universities, on the six types of people you will meet on the dance floor this Freshers Week:

Every student club is filled with a  vast cornucopia of characters, but the dance floor is where all of them come together. Despite people’s best efforts to maintain their individuality, there are inevitably a few recurring faces. Any of these seem familiar..?

1) The Chino Wanker

You know exactly who I mean. These people are like toxic manchildren when drunk. Tall, muscle-bound rugby lads who often wear polo shirts, tan chinos and far too much cologne. They can probably consume enough alcohol to kill an entire generation of grizzly bears; heavyweight doesn’t even cut it. They often communicate using a series of grunts, inaudible noises, crude hand signals and crotch thrusts. Likely to be found in Urban Outfitters when sober.

2) The Shot Girl(s) 

Mostly skinny, sometimes blonde, definitely straightened, often bronzed. High hemlines and low necklines are a classic sign…

Full article here.